You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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