Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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