I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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