Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
