Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
