Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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