Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
