I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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