Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Congratulations! We have a period
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