wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
