marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
