Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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