i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
