And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
