If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
