Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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