I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
