evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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