seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
