is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
