I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
This house was built for laser tag.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
