At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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