Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
