so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
