I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
