You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
