I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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