Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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