There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
