so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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