just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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