My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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