He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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