Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
