We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
