Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
