i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
