Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
