My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
