Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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