i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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