Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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