Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
