The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
