maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
