i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
