I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
