he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
