my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
