someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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