I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
