whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
