So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
