Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Randomize
