I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
