also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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