I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
