I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
