I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
