I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I need to wash the frat house off of me
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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