Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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