just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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