How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
