You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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