I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
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