i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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