He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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