I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Randomize
